I’m Not Sorry 

        Several years ago, before I gave my life to Christ, I was outside of a local liquor store with a friend. We saw a young man getting into a car and my friend recognized him. He laughed a little and shook his head, and as we watched the guy drive away he told me a story: That guy used to be the lead singer of a local metal band, He even had a stage name (which I can’t remember – it was cool though) he was practically legendary…but then he threw it all away. He started going to church, got all straight edge, and quit the band – it was like he got brain washed. Look at him now, he’s a total square driving around in a big ol’ truck, dressed all “buttoned up” and I think he has a wife and a kid now too.

         I remember thinking “man….what a sucker, another one bites the dust”. He’s really missing out on life, I thought.  I shook my head and felt sorry for him. I wondered if he was sorry too and if he ever missed the old days partying and having fun.

         After giving my life to Christ in 2009 I wrote the song I’m Not Sorry, which is a poetic form of my testimony. It recounts the brokenness that I have come from but states that there is freedom now to live in a way I never thought possible for me. The chorus is a reflection of the above story in which I wondered if that young man was sorry that he was missing out …but now I know the answer.

        When I was a little kid, we used to play in the tall grass in the field behind our house; we’d get so wrapped up in our play that we would stay out until the sun was almost completely gone. Even though it would get chilly and uncomfortable, we would think “it’s not that dark - there’s still a little more time”  and we would play as long as we could even though mom would call from the house: “it’s time to come in!”  But once our toes were freezing and our noses were runny and it was hard to see, we’d finally surrender to mom’s voice and head for the house. When I’d arrive inside I’d usually wash my hands under the warm water at the sink, in front of a window that looked out into the back field. I remember seeing the deep shadows, and watching the sweeping winds across the grass and always being surprised at how dark and scary it looked out there, even though that’s where I had just been. It really didn’t seem that bad when I was out there, but boy was I glad to be inside now!

           It’s much like that when one surrenders their life to Christ. We’re often blinded to the reality of how bad things really are, but once one decides to believe in Jesus we step into the light (John 8:12), we come inside the covenant of God’s promise and our perspective is forever changed (1 Corinthians 3:16-18). As I peer out of the window of God’s covenant into my past, I am so glad that I came in when I heard Him calling me. The Bible says “today when you hear His voice, don’t harden your hearts” instead answer His call.  I encourage anyone who is brave enough, to try; to sell-out, to taste and see the Lord is good, and anyone who has been walking with Him to surrender new areas of your life to Christ and see what He’ll do, you won’t be sorry.

                                                                                                                                                             -Rebecca Goldsmith

LYRICS:

I’m Not Sorry

(Verse One)

I used to wonder through this world

Never knowing my own worth

Liquid smile in paper bags

But then I traded in my rags

(Chorus 1)

Now I am free

To live this life I never had

And I’m not sorry

That I traded in my rags

(Verse Two)

Careful footsteps on the floor

But egg shells breaking more and more

Keeping quiet to avoid

But inside dying and devoid

(Chorus 1)

(Verse Three)

Exchanging love for anything

That would help to numb the sting

Like roller coasters –going mad

I try to hold on but I can’t

(Chorus 1)

(Chorus 2)

Now I am free

To live this life I should not have

All ‘cuz Jesus was my sacrificial lamb

All ‘cuz Jesus is my sacrificial lamb.